Code Geass: Identity Crises
by Tower of Babel
Summary: Suzaku feels guilt ridden for betraying Lelouch to the Emperor. Now a Knight of the Round he has status, influence and power, but what has it really cost him? Conflicted, Gino befriends him in his darkest hour with some sound advise. COMPLETE.
1. THE BROODING KNIGHT

_**A CODE GEASS STORY - IDENTITY CRISIS**_

( * * * )

_**PART ONE: THE BROODING KNIGHT**_

_**The Knights of the Round Headquarters, Britannia.**_

Sir Suzaku Kururugi sat alone in a conference room, with an elongated wooden table, eight chairs, and a computer security station, comprising of nine boxed TV monitors on one wall. One of the screens showed an unconscious Lelouch, laying on a bed, bound, in a secured room. He had been put there until the Emperor finished brainwashing him with the power of Geass, implanting false memories of family, friends, and erasing any memory that he was a royal prince of Britannia.

Suzaku hated the fact that his once best friend's memory was being erased, his past stolen from him. Everything he once was, gone. Well, mostly. Only the parts of memory about Zero, the Black Knights, and most tragically, as punishment for his transgressions against Britannia, his sister, Nunnally. Whom Lelouch loved and cherished above all else.

Lelouch once remarked something to him that Suzaku had never forgotten. It was when they were kids, just after the invasion of Britannia on Japan. He had said, "_History is important._ _History gives a person a sense of purpose, identity, and a future. I accept my past, and I know where I come from. You should too, Suzaku. Do what you must to succeed. But one day, someday, I promise, by my hands alone, Britannia will fall!"_

Lelouch had said these words long before he donned the mask of Zero.

_Destiny. Is there such a thing? If you want something bad enough, wish for it everyday, can it come true? _Suzaku wondered.

But along the way, as his alter ego, Zero, Lelouch's ideals turned bitter. He lost his initial purpose, wanting to free Japan, and establishing the USJ (the United States of Japan). In the end, all he longed for was revenge. He had manipulated people selfishly and demanded justice for what his father had done to him and his sister in abandoning them, and killing their mother.

Lelouch had acted like some rebellious teenager gone amok, but to a much higher degree with the power of Geass, for which he also possessed, given to him by a mysterious girl, only referred to as C2. But C2 was, at the moment, no where to be found. She, like most of Lelouch's cohorts, had gone into hiding.

This enigmatic, supernatural power, provided Lelouch with an apt ability to invoke a misguided sense of justice upon the world, and it allowed him to act like a god.

And for this, he was to be punished. Severely. To lose that power, and so much more.

_I also have a tragic past. I killed my father, the Prime Minister of Japan, in an attempt to stop a war. He chose to rise up against Britannia. With him gone, I thought no blood would be spilled. But I was wrong. Killing my father was futile. And Britannia conquered Japan, quickly and ruthlessly, and designated my homeland with an insignificant moniker - Area 11. All Japanese are now call Eleven's._

Suzaku slammed a fist on the table in frustration.

He knew he shouldn't hate Britannia, it had given him hope. He now had status, influence, and power. He was a Knight of the Round - the Knight of Seven, one of the elite. But to get here, he had to betray Lelouch. And he hated himself for it.

"_I'll change Britannia from the inside,_" he had said to Lelouch. It was an attempt to justify his actions, when he presented his friend before the Emperor, after capturing him, like a trophy.

But Lelouch had killed Euphie, senselessly and without mercy, and in his heart, he felt an unwavering hate for his friend. He had loved Euphie. And that's why he had taken Lelouch before the Emperor. He wanted Lelouch to pay for his crime.

_Perhaps now, there will finally be peace,_ Suzaku thought. _Damn you, Lelouch! How dare you use Geass on me! You did it to save youself, you son-of-a-bitch! In doing so, you corrupted my convictions. I joined the Britannian military to atone for my sins. I wanted to die for killing my father; that's why I was reckless, always putting myself in harms way. But now that I've entered the lion's den, I. . ._

With hardened eyes, Suzaku looked at the monitor with Lelouch. As peaceful as his friend appeared at the moment, behind that innocent façade was a very dangerous person. Or, at least, he used to be.

Suzaku sighed, and leaned back in his chair. The springs had give, and it allowed him to avert his gaze from the monitors upward to the ceiling. There was nothing to see but white plaster, a blank canvas like a painting. He didn't want to think. He had come to the conference room to relax, knowing that it would be empty at this time of day, but when he found the screens active, and Lelouch on one of them, his mind began to swirl with unstable emotions.

_I know I should hate you with every fiber of my being, Lelouch, but for some unknown reason, I still consider you a friend, despite your atrocities._

"Feeling nostalgic, Susaku?" a voice came from the doorway. And Suzaku turned to see Gino Weinburg, the Knight of Three. He was tall, young, and handsome, with blonde hair. Gino once remarked, if his life had swayed another way, he'd be a movie actor. Suzaku didn't doubt that.

Lelouch's image was on the screen, so Gino was obviously referring to him with his comment. Gino knew, much like anyone who knew Suzaku, that Lelouch was once a close friend. But somehow, the word nostalgic, didn't describe how Suzaku felt.

He turned back without saying a word, straightening in his chair. And several seconds past in silence.

"Not very talkative today, are you? You disappeared suddenly from the lounge. I wondered where you went." Gino crossed the length of the conference room to him.

"I'd like to be alone now, Gino," Suzaku said gruffly. He didn't feel like company. In fact, he wished the whole world would just go away.

Suzaku gave a sideways glance to Gino after his curt remark. And Gino merely shrugged his shoulders in his usual non-chalet way, smiling softly. But he didn't leave the room. Instead, he sat down next to him.

The chair Gino sat in creaked horribly, and Suzaku grunted, gritted his teeth instinctively from the pain to his ears as the sound echoed the room. He had purposely sat elsewhere because he knew about the chair.

"I must send in a requisition form to fix this chair," Gino said, laughing momentarily.

Suzaku felt annoyed. They were both Knights of the Round, but that didn't mean they had to spend their free time together. Gino was a pureblood Britannian; while Suzaku was Japanese, an Eleven (but also an honorary Britannian). But now that he had a lot more responsibility, free time was scarce. Besides, on occasion, Gino got a little too friendly for comfort, and it made him uncomfortable.

"In a sour mood?" Gino said sardonically, thumbing Lelouch on screen. Suzaku groaned irksome under his breath. He seriously wanted to be alone. Gino smiled. "I have some good news. The Emperor has appointed a guardian to Lelouch when he's sent back to school. And he's in the final stages of rewriting Lelouch's memory completely, to include the perfect candidate, a member of the Special Branch, to replace Nunnally. We shouldn't have any more trouble from Zero or the Black Knights."

Unlike Lelouch's Geass, for which he could only use once on any person, the Emperor's Geass was unlimited, Susaku recalled. The Emperor had decided to send Lelouch back to his old life after erasing portions of his memory. Killing him would have been more humane. But the Emperor, for some unknown reason, couldn't bring himself to kill his youngest son, despite his wrongs.

"That's good," Suzaku said plainly, but still bothered by the gruesome act of Lelouch's memory erasure.

He immediately thought of Euphie, and how she was executed by Zero, Lelouch, after using Geass on her, to massacre innocent Japanese, at the gathering of _the Administrative Zone of Japan_. If successful, it would've given hope back to the Japanese people. With Euphie as Emissary, Britannia was prepared to designate a piece of land for Eleven's to settle on, and to once again, officially, call themselves Japanese.

_If that had happened, I would seriously consider leaving the military and joining them. _

"Why, Lelouch, why," Suzaku muttered under his breath. He had no time to interrogate Lelouch before dragging him before the Emperor. Now the reason why Lelouch did what he did to Euphie, what instruction he had given to her using Geass to commit genocide of the Japanese people that day, was lost forever.

"You miss your friend, don't you?" Gino said, with genuine sympathy. "I know how it feels to lose a friend, especially one from childhood. He was killed in action against the rebels, long before the Black Knight's appeared. But what kind of friend are you to Lelouch, handing him over to the Emperor, to have his memory erased, to take away Zero, the savior of the Japanese people, weakening their resolve? You're Japanese, right?"

"Just shut up, Gino. With all due respect, go away. I came in here to be alone."

"You have anger issues, my friend. You need to relax, unwind." Suzaku felt like striking him, but restrained his anger. Gino seemed to pick up on his irritation, however, and stood up to leave. He shrugged his shoulders again, and smiled. "But, you're right. After everything you've been through lately, maybe a little time alone to reflect on events is what you need. Just don't mope around."

"I'm not moping," Suzaku said defensively.

"Okay, brooding."

"I'm not brooding either."

"Your eyes tell me a different story. You can tell a lot about a person's eyes and body language, and even their tone of voice, without that person saying stating the obvious. But I'll leave you in peace." Gino turned towards the door, but then stopped. He turning back around, and smiled. "Oh, I almost forgot. Happy birthday." He handed Suzaku a small, wrapped gift.

Suzaku took it. He had noticed Gino carrying it when he first entered the room, but didn't say anything. He thought it might have been for someone else.

"Also, call it a welcome into the fold gift," Gino added.

"Thank you, I didn't think anyone would care."

"Of course we care. You're one of us now, Suzaku." And Gino smiled.

_You're one of us now…Why do those words feel so empty? _Suzaku thought.

Then Gino left.

And Suzaku was alone again.

He unwrapped the gift. It was a leather bound book: _The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde. _He had read it when he was in the Britannian infantry. One of the men in his regiment recommended it. It was a classic story about a man who developed a split-personality disorder. By day he was a mild manor lawyer, but by night, he was a ruthless killer. Only now, the story had an all too familiar, almost ironic, tragic feel to it, especially in comparison to Lelouch and Zero.

He put it down on the table, and then looked back at the monitor with Lelouch. And almost found himself smiling when he remembered a fond memory. It was a time when he and Lelouch were having fun at a cookout at Ashford Academy. He had a photograph of that day in an album he kept. Shirley, a girl at school, took it. It was now, however, part of a collection of memories he could never show to anyone, because along with Lelouch's memory, the Emperor choose to rewrite the memories of all Lelouch's friends; forgetting the Black Knights and even Nunnally. And it had taken a lot of effort to do so. Now the only person left was Lelouch.

And Suzaku knew, the Emperor would get some sick pleasure in stripping Lelouch's history away. It made him sick to his stomach.

_Just more heartache to bare,_ he thought. _So much history, gone. And all because of Geass. Maybe Gino's right. I'm too tense. I need to relax. I need to forget._

He forced the memory gone, then stood up and switched off the monitor.

"Good-bye, Lelouch," he said. "I'll remember what you were, not what you became." He didn't expect to ever see his old friend again.

Picking up the book, he then left the room.

But the moment he stepped out the door, Gino waved a hello. He had been waiting in the hall. And he spared to time getting friendly again.

He, brotherly-like, cupped an arm around Suzaku's shoulders - it was almost like he wanted to hold Suzaku in place until he got off his chest what he wanted to say - and said, "Hey pal, you look tense. It's not healthy for a person to keep hate in his heart. You'll die sooner. Meet me in the gymnasium in half an hour, and I'll have a surprise for you."

"Gino, I appreciate you trying to cheer me up, but I just don't feel like - "

"Don't make me order you. I do out rank you, after all."

Gino smiled in his usual manner, and Suzaku felt he couldn't refuse. Gino was the Knight of Three, and that trumped the Knight of Seven.

Suzaku felt annoyed. "Fine, I'll be there," he said, softly sighing.

"Good. See you then."

Gino smiled, retracted his arm, and then walked away.

_**To be continued…**_


	2. THE KNIGHT'S COMPANION

_**PART TWO: THE KNIGHT'S COMPANION**_

Suzaku returned to his quarters to change. And Arthur was there waiting for him. The black cat sat proper next to a chair near the door, and meowed a hello.

And despite his poignant mood, he smiled, happy to see the cat.

He had first met Arthur a couple of months ago while walking with Euphie in the city.

He had just been released from interrogation after being accused of killing Prince Clovis, for which later Lelouch as Zero admitted to, and when returning back to headquarters - and catching Euphie, after she jumped from a third story window of a building, she never explained why she did such a thing, (he later surmised it might have had to do with a Princess fleeing her royal duties for doing something fun) - encountered the stray cat by chance, which he later named Arthur.

Arthur had liked Euphie immediately, most likely due to her good natured personality, but when he had crouched down and tried to pet the cat, Arthur opened his mouth and sunk his fangs deep into his index finger. And it wasn't the first time Arthur had bit him. He had lost track.

And when he crouched down to pet Arthur now, the cat sunk his teeth deep into the side of his right hand.

He cringed. But he was used to it, and the pain. And came to expect it. But as to the reason, he still couldn't figure the cat out. Arthur liked him, or he wouldn't stick around. He had done research on cats on the world wide web and learned biting was a sign of affection, also called _love bites_. If that was the case, then Arthur absolutely adored him. "Ouch! Arthur! Not again!"

Arthur slinked back, releasing his grip, and the animal seemed to look at him with apologetic eyes. Blood dripped from his hand, but he smiled regardless. He could never be angry at Arthur. It was just the way he was. "It's okay, Arthur. I'm not mad." Arthur seemed to smile.

The cat's gaze suddenly shifted, he observed. And Arthur became instantly fascinated with the book he was holding in his other hand. Arthur moved forward and sniffed the book. The cat's whiskers twitched inquisitively at first, but then he pulled back sharply, as if the smell from the leather cover repulsed him. It was an old looking book. And it must have cost a lot. Books like this were only found in libraries. The world now relied heavily on computers for information.

He stood up, and put the book on a glass top table near by. Arthur followed, and hopped up onto the table. And despite disliking the smell of the book, the cat sat next to it, twitching its tail.

"It's a gift from Gino," he said, answering a question, as if Arthur had asked one.

He went down an adjacent hallway, to the bedroom to change, leaving the book and Arthur alone. But he continued to talk to the cat. His voice was swallow, heard from down the hall, but he was sure Arthur could still hear him. _Animals had keen hearing,_ he recalled.

"While it was nice that he remembered my birthday," he said, removing his Knights of the Round uniform, hanging it up, and dressing into gym wear. "I have to admit, it's the cruelest present I've ever gotten, considering the situation with Lelouch." A few seconds passed without him saying anything. Then he continued. "Gino invited me, well, let's just say, he insisted, I meet him in the gymnasium. But I don't quite get his motivation why. He's never asked me to work out with him before. So, I'll be leaving again. Try to entertain yourself until I get back. We'll do something together later."

Once dressed, he left his bedroom. But when he returned to the main living area, he halted in mid step, when he saw the book Gino had given him was ripped to shreds. He stared in disbelief at the complete disarray of the room. Pieces of paper were scattered everywhere. The only thing that was still intact was the leather binding, for which Arthur tried to chew but couldn't damage.

Arthur was still seated on the table. And he had a little scrap of paper still hanging from the left corner of his mouth.

"Arthur!" Suzaku scorned. "Why would you do such a thing? You've never done anything like this before."

The scrap of paper slipped from Arthur's mouth as the cat lowered his head, looking ashamed. Then he dropped down off the table and moved away. He gave Arthur a displeasing look, as the cat slinked away, taking refuge behind a cornered wall. But Arthur continued to observe him.

He spent the next couple of minutes retrieving the pieces of the book. _But who knows what Arthur swallowed_, he thought. _If Gino ever finds out what happen, he'll be very upset. Just tell the truth if he asks, Arthur did it. Like that excuse I used in school when I was a kid. I told my teacher my father's dog chewed my homework. Come to think of it, the teacher never believed me and I got detection._

For the very first time, he was upset with Arthur. Gino obviously spent a lot of money on the book.

When he thought he had gathered all the pieces, he lay them in a pile on the table. Sitting down, he looked at them, and sighed. Putting the book together would be a hopeless cause. And even if he spent the time doing so, he could never put it out for display. In all regards, the book was beyond repair.

He turned, and saw Arthur still lurking behind the cornered wall. The cat looked up at him with eyes as sad as he had ever seen them. Arthur obviously knew he had done something wrong. It was then, Arthur moved slightly, and another scrap page of the book was revealed. Arthur had been sitting on it.

He retrieved it. He noticed it had black conscript writing on it. It said:

"_With my compliments, Knight of Seven. _

_- Charles vi Britannia."_

It was a dedication from the Emperor. The book hadn't been a gift from Gino after all. _Come to think of it,_ _Gino never said it was from him, _he thought. And it was then that it suddenly dawned on him, and of the rationale behind such a cruel, natured gift. He had thought it unusual that Gino would be so unkind. In the short time he had known Gino, the Knight of Three wasn't like that.

With this book, Suzaku knew, the Emperor was sending him a message. And the Emperor was thanking him for bringing in Lelouch.

_It also reminds me of just how much of a hypocrite I am. That in order to advance in life, I choose to turn him back on his own people and betray my best friend. _

Lelouch had been fighting for a cause Suzaku secretly hoped would succeed. Lelouch was fighting to reestablish Japan, despite being a prince of Britannia. But he had given Lelouch to the Emperor to be trialed for his crimes. He had been too blinded by Euphie's death to see Lelouch's ideal cause.

_But it's too late for regrets. What's been done can't be undone._

The anger of what Arthur did quickly melted away. And Suzaku turned, and smiled at his feline companion.

"Come here, Arthur," he said calmly. "I'm not mad, honest."

Arthur was hesitate, but then came out into the open.

Suzaku patted a leg, and Arthur jumped up on to his lap. And he was finally able to pet him on without being bitten.

It was almost, as if, by sixth sense, Arthur knew how much him disliked the book, and destroyed it for him, despite not knowing about the dedication or even opening it when he first got it. The title itself was enough to cause him despair. And after seeing it was, in fact, the Emperor who had given it to him, he hated it more.

_Perhaps Arthur is much more perspective than I give him credit for,_ Suzaku thought.

"Good boy, Arthur," he said softly, smiling, stroking the cat on the head.

And Arthur purred contently.

**To be continued…**


	3. THE CHALLENGED KNIGHT

_**PART THREE: THE KNIGHT CHALLENGED**_

Suzaku arrived at the gymnasium at the appointed time allotted by Gino, and found him alone. He found it strange that none of the other Knights of the Round were using the facilities. The Black Knights were subdued, Lelouch, a.k.a. Zero, had been captured, and most of the other rebel fractions had been crushed. The world was in a time of peace, for once, under the iron rule of Britannia.

Gino stood in the middle of a boxing ring, wrapping his left hand with athletic tape. His right hand was already taped. He wore a black tank top, matching shorts, and boxing boots. (Suzaku wore similar attire but with your average running shoes). _Was this the surprise Gino hinted at? _Suzaku thought.

Boxing was never his forte. He always lost, challenged by others in his regiment when in the infantry. But, of course, he wasn't as strong as he was now.

With towel in hand, he approached the ring. When Gino noticed him, the man smiled, and said, "Welcome Suzaku, thanks for coming."

"You didn't give me much of a choice," Suzaku replied.

"Sure I did. I just convinced you that you didn't, and you believed me. You're kind of naïve like that. Only Bismarck (the Knight of One) has summoning power. The rest of us Knights are equals. Remember that."

"I will, the next time you give me an order," Suzaku said smartly. And Gino smirked.

Suzaku lay his towel aside, then climbed into the ring. Gino immediately threw him the athletic tape when he was finished with it. Suzaku caught it at.

"Put some one, you're going to need it," Gino said, slipping on a pair of brown boxing gloves.

"Are we going to fight?"

"Box, actually. Call it a friendly match. But trust me, it has a purpose. I want you to vent out all that penned up anger inside you. And use me as a your punching bag."

"I'm not going to fight you, Gino. You're not my enemy."

"Then pretend I'm someone else." Gino smiled.

Suzaku wasn't amused. He frowned, and then turned to leave. "We're Knights of the Round. We can't engage in primitive, barbaric sport like this. I've seen fights in underground arenas between Eleven's. They made me sick to my stomach. They serve no purpose other than to satisfy bloodlust and support illegal gambling."

"Such a sainted attitude. Where was that when you betrayed your friend?"

He looked at Gino with disdainful eyes. "Just stop it, Gino. Don't go there."

Gino smiled, as if to lighten the mood. "C'mon, it's only a little healthy sport between men. You turned eighteen today. Celebrate. This match between us is my present to you. And call it therapy for the soul. If you allow anger to fester, I'll consume you. Let it go. Embrace your emotions. You'll feel better."

There was history between those words, Suzaku knew. But he wasn't going to fight him. "Forget it, Gino." He went to the ropes, and bent down to leave through the bottom two. _This was a waste of time, _he thought.

"Suzaku!"

Suzaku looked back. And he saw that Gino was staring at him with intense eyes.

"Suzaku Kururugi," Gino said resolutely. "I don't care that you're knighted, and I don't care that you charmed your way into the Knights of the Round by betraying your friend to the Emperor, and I particularly don't care about your so called high-and-mighty attitude. But right here and now, you will fight me or else!"

"Or else what, Gino?" Suzaku answered with equal resolve.

"Or I'll ask the Emperor to completely erase you from Lelouch's memory. I don't think he'd mind, considering how Lelouch murdered Princess Euphemia and that you hate him for doing so. I don't approve of what the Emperor's doing in this regard. It would be better off to just kill Lelouch. But to lose a friend in that matter is no worse than death. People cherish history."

"You wouldn't dare!"

"A man will do anything he deems is necessary if it satisfies his own means. You should know that better than anyone. All I want is a match, nothing more. Show me your resolve. Show me what you care about most. Empower your emotions. And if you win, I'll forgot about the whole thing. But if you lose, say good-bye to Lelouch forever."

_This isn't like Gino, _Suzaku thought.

He stepped back into the middle of the ring, and Gino tossed him a pair of boxing gloves at him, waste level. Suzaku caught them, and put them on, tightening the strings with his teeth. "Okay Gino, you have your match. I accept your challenge. But I'm not going to fight you at full-strength."

"You're such a hypocrite, Suzaku Kururugi," Gino said.

And Suzaku nodded. "That, I know that all too well," he said. "Let's begin."

**To be continued…**


	4. THE KNIGHT'S RESOLVE

_**PART FOUR: THE KNIGHT'S RESOLVE**_

A right cross. A left hook. A jab to the stomach. And a hard upper cut to the chin.

Suzaku went down, crashing hard. His back hit the mat with such impact that it knocked the breath out of him. He lay stunned. And his mind raced with thoughts of bewilderment.

He never expected a guy with such a thin body mass to have such searing power. The moment he agreed to the match, Gino attacked him quickly and without mercy, sending one devastating blow after another to his face and body. There had been no time to react.

He groaned. And the Knight of Three stood over him like some sort of god, gloves on hips. "You have ten seconds to get your sorry butt up or your forfeit, Suzaku," Gino said.

_Ten seconds is the maximum time a referee gave a combatant before count out,_ Suzaku recalled. _It was also referred to as a K.O. (Knock Out). _It was one rule in Boxing he never forgot. Back when he fought others in his regiment in his infantry, he lost most of his matches by K.O., misjudging his opponent's strength.

Staggering to his feet, he fell back into the ropes, slightly disorientated, and then moved into a corner to regain his senses.

"Never expected that, did you? Well, I boxed in college." Gino smiled, looking amused.

"You could've told me that before we got started," Suzaku replied. Standing up straight, he took two steps forward to met Gino in the middle of the ring, putting his gloves in the air defensively. "I haven't boxed in a while." _Although a quick trounce like that is no excuse,_ he thought.

"And spoil the surprise? Half the fun is shocking your opponent. Similar in the battlefield with our Knightmare Frames."

(Knightmare Frames: Piloted, autonomous Mecha, war-like machines, used for defensive or debasement, and originally used by Britannian forces to conquer Japan, before rebel forces, lead by Lelouch, stolen some with the aid of the Black Knights. )

Suzaku took a swing at Gino. But Gino side-stepped, dodged it, and lay another right cross to his face. Then followed up with mixed punches, both to Suzaku's face and body. And Suzaku dropped to the mat again.

"C'mon Suzaku, defend yourself!" Gino chastised. "Or has becoming a Knight of the Round made your soft? I thought you were stronger than this."

Suzaku rolled tiredly, dazed, to his stomach and lifted himself to his hands and knees. Sweat dripped from his face.

Gino gave him room by taking a couple of steps back. It was a customary gesture to all downed opponents in all sports and matches. It was similar to giving respect in the Japanese culture.

In official martial arts competitions, when an opponent was knocked to the ground, the other would step back, turn his back to him, and stay seated on his knees. When his opponent was ready to continue, he would return to the match.

It was also good strategy in any combative match. No fighter would stand idol over his opponent for long, or he would be subjected to a surprise attack. And even in the battlefield, that stood sound. You never knew what sort of tricks your opponent had, especially when you have little data on them.

But with every punch, despite missing, Suzaku gathered more information on Gino. Ever the strategist. He and Lelouch were alike in that way.

But the only reason he had bested Lelouch was because he believed in a worthier cause than to defeat the scourge that was Zero. Euphie. He sought revenge for her death, using blind anger to bring him down in the Geass cave on Kaminejima Island. And used brutal strength to do so. Lelouch had been no match for him.

However, now, and against Gino, his heart just wasn't in the match. He didn't want to fight.

"What's the matter, Suzaku? Is Lelouch not worth fighting for? Is he not enough motivation?"

"Enough Gino," Suzaku said, sensing Gino's sardonic tone. But, he was right.

"Then how about Princess Euphemia? Was her death in vein?"

Suzaku's strength returned, and he looked at Gino with serious eyes. "Don't go there, Gino. You know how much Euphie meant to me."

"But you were her chosen knight. She trusted you, relied on you to keep her safe, and you failed her."

"Shut-up, Gino! Just, shut the hell up!" he said behind clenched teeth.

Gino chuckled in such a way that is disturbed Suzaku. "Looks like I struck a nerve. Well, here's food for thought. I never believed _the Administrative Zone of Japan _had a chance. Even the Emperor thought so. And by Lelouch's actions, so did he. Princess Euphemia was a fool and it got her killed."

"You take that back Gino, right now!" And an invisible wave of fury engulfed Suzaku, one he had not felt since confronting Lelouch in the Geass cave. "How dare you say such a thing!"

"That's the spirit, Suzaku," Gino said, almost smiling. "Feel your anger. Now, come at me with it!"

Tears begin to roll down Suzaku's cheeks. He thought he had found a friend who he could confine in; a Britannian who had acknowledged the importance of friendship. But it was a lie. And Gino showed his true colors. And he had dishonored Euphie. It was an unforgivable offense in Suzaku's mind.

He lunged, striking out with unbridled fury, delivering one devastating blow after another to Gino, as if possessed, filled with an unbelievable rage. And he felt nothing could stop him.

Within seconds of throwing his first punch and the others that followed, Gino went down. He hit the mat hard. And this time, Suzaku was the one standing victor. He wanted to continue to hurt Gino more, beat him to an inch of his life for what he had said. But he didn't.

Looking down with hurtful eyes, he said, "I'm going to report this to the Emperor and have you dismissed from the Knights of the Round, Gino."

Gino laughed behind his beaten face. "Good boy, Suzaku. You did it."

Suzaku staggered back, dumbfounded by Gino's response. "What do you mean? Why did you say such hurtful things? Did you mean them?"

"Of course not. You're my comrade, and despite knowing you only for a short time, I consider you a friend," Gino said. "I wanted to goat you to fight me, and I say, I did a good job. I wanted a steadfast, honest reaction out of you, and saying those things was the only way to get that." Gino felt his chin. Suzaku had really let him have it. By this time tomorrow, he knew, Gino's face will be black and blue. "Ow. Those were some hard punches," Gino said. "I really felt your anger."

"Sorry," Suzaku said, helping Gino to his feet.

"No need to apologize," Gino said. "When I saw you with the other Knights in the lounge, I knew you were putting up a brave face when they started talking about Lelouch and the Black Knights and how the rebellion was all over for them. They were a laughing. I could see it in your eyes how much their words were hurting you. So I figured that's the real reason you left, to seek solace elsewhere. That's when I found you in the conference room. In the hallway, I ran into Bismark who asked me to give you the gift."

"Nothing could be further from the truth, Gino," Suzaku admitted, his anger fading away. "And I did notice you didn't join their conversion. Thank you."

"Because I know how you feel, especially in regards to Lelouch. I know he was a good friend. And I was concerned. You were angry, and I knew if you didn't vent, you were going to explode on the wrong person. I didn't want that to happen. I'll tell you a story. Remember my friend I told you about earlier. Well, just before me went out to battle in a Knightmare Frame, we had an heated argument, and over a girl, no doubt. I told him we'd discuss it when he got back. But he never returned. He died. And I've regretted what I said to him since then. I told him I hated him. I don't want that for you. No one should live or die with hate in his heart. And I don't think Princess Euphemia would want that either. Sorry for what I said."

Suzaku smiled, and his anger quickly faded away. "Apology accepted. And I'm sorry for your loss."

Gino removed his gloves, dropping them to the mat. "Okay, change of subject. This is depressing me." He faked a smile. "So what was that gift? I was only asked to deliver it."

Suzaku removed his gloves, dropping them near by. "A book. _The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde._ I read it before. It was a gift from the Emperor."

"The title sounds interesting. What's it about?" asked Gino

And Suzaku told him.

Gino frowned, and then his mouth twisted to a position of disgust. "Heartless. Utterly heartless. Even I find that gift in bad taste considering the history between you and Lelouch. It's not hard to see a comparison." Gino went to leave the ring, and Suzaku followed. "History is important," he then said. "Knowing who you are and where you come from eliminates an identity crisis."

"You know, Lelouch said something similar to me years ago when we first met. He also said history is important."

"Lelouch is smart guy. Despite what he did, never forget him. And try to remember the good times. Once he returns to Ashford Academy, you can visit him all you want, if you want."

Suzaku nodded. _I was wrong. Within this lion's den of Britannian's, maybe I have found a friend who accepts and understands me, not as an Eleven or an honorary Britannian, or even a Knight of the Round, but as a fellow human being. This is the way everyone should act towards each other without prejudice._

"I have a suggestion," Gino said. "I think you should rip up that book and blame it on your cat."

Suzaku tried to hold in a snicker, but was unsuccessful. Then he burst out with boisterous laughter.

"What's so funny, Suzaku?" asked Gino

And Suzaku told him what Arthur had done.

**END**


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